The Beauty of the Nagging Woman

My good friend called me last night. I wondered why I hadn't heard from her in a month of Sundays. She was going through it. A few sentences in, and we were finishing each others thoughts! I'm gonna assume we aren't the only two women who feel this way.

____________________________________

So...

A woman begins to sound like a loud, shrieking monotonous bellow in a semi-busted club speaker...

Pick up your clothes!
Take out this garbage!

You don't compliment me anymore!

You forgot our anniversary!
Is it even IN yet?!

A man's (de)selective hearing automatically distinguishes between her everyday complaints and, for instance "Dinner's Ready!" ...provided the woman's a good enough cook. Otherwise, he most likely won't "hear" that either.

Most women are NOT nags!

Let me type it in pretty colors so that you may hear me better...

MOST  WOMAN  ARE  NOT  NAGS!

A common misconception about us is that we nag and complain because we are never ever (ever!) satisfied. This isn't true. We are fairly simple creatures. And speaking of being fairly simple...

Another misconception is that we are complicated. Far too complicated for the simple braincells of a man to decipher, for dern sure (said with a neck & eye roll).

Well... okay, even I can vouch for being complicated (beyond my own, immediate understandings, at times), but... 

The truth is, women rarely keep what they think or feel bottled inside. The fault with men is that they don't bother listening to what comes out of that bottle.

A woman who cares for you WILL "nag" or "complain"! 

If she cares about you enough, she will never let you be in doubt about how to keep her happy, or about your antics that drive her insane. A nagging woman is de-complicating herself  for you by telling it all. That whiny, persistent, baby-bawl-ish tone you hear, is the exhaustion... the fed-up-edness. Once you hear it, she's upset. Fix it before it snowballs, or she burns/breaks/craigslists something you hold dear.

If the lady doesn't care about you, she won't bother. She doesn't give a flying fart what you think, how you feel, or if you stay or go. Complaining takes effort... and breath... and patience... and time. You consider yourself lucky that she never nags you? Maybe... if you're perfect. Consider yourself lucky if she does.

And if you believe we can present our concerns clearly and calmly to you... you're probably wrong. Or... she has probably already tried. It isn't until we flip and start talking bad about your mother, or calling you things like 'fucker', or 'stupid shit-head' or 'pencil-penis' that you hear us... mostly because we're breaking things by then, or TYPING IN ALL CAPS, or hurling  Endokukens at your kidneys. 

So if you're arguing, feeling confused and impervious, and she's yelling, and it seems as though she's been repeating the same thing all day, every day, day after day...

STFU and listen, for once.